INSLEEVILLE, New Washington State: 22 Jan 2022
Citizens of Insleeville will be pleased to know that the new state approved body suits have arrived at City Martyr’s Hall. Those who are currently wearing the Model #4 will be required to present the outdated suit to your neighborhood proctor immediately. Those who do not comply will receive a negative 10 town social rating.
The last vestige of the old Montesano town signs have finally been removed. Thank you to the New Insleeville People’s Chamber of Social Commerce for demanding their employees work round the clock to finish this important project. Both the Regional Governor as well as selectees from various town neighborhood overseer committee members will be attending the new main town sign placements.
Residents are reminded that defacing city people’s property can carry severe punishments. Lord High Commander Police Chief, Mayor, and Fire Marshall , His Right Honor Number 12, has proclaimed possible repercussions. The list hangs in Inslee Park across from the Post Office on Proclamation Wall. Residents are reminded that the park is monitored 24/7 and all residents are required to swipe their bar code on entry to the facility at least two times per week to read the notices.
Garbage day continues to be a problem here in town. Both the town Minister of Recycling and members of the appointed Compost Committee are reporting a drop of 7% in waste submissions. We remind you that eating waste destined for the community recycling projects is a crime. Punishments are outlined on Proclamation Wall.
On a sad note, we are sorry to inform residents that the entryway to the Inslee Remembrance Park and Crematorium, is no longer accepting your loved ones. The new Citizen Instruction Hall has taken more land to construct than we had anticipated. Until an ability intake your relatives, who have passed, is established – arrangements have been made with the Minister of Recycling. Contact their office, and as usual, report all deaths immediately so that city Accountants can retrieve any property to satisfy city debts prior to disturbing the body or living area. Punishments associated with the crime of unauthorized removal are listed on Proclamation Wall. (Note do not place missing posters in Inslee Park. Contact the City Department of Missing Persons….keep the park clean and pleasant.)
HEALTH REPORT:
The town Minister of Mental and Physical Health is advising all residents to report to the city 
Maintenance Facility immediately as new Covid Vaccines have arrived. We are being assured that this new batch is perfectly safe and effective. While there hasn’t been a reported case of the disease for some time now, it has been reported that someone in Australia contracted a Flu like illness. Our High Protector, His Honor Governor Inslee, is taking no chances and continues to instruct our regional Governors to continue mandatory face and body coverings along with home exit permits. It’s for our own good. Failure to receive the new vaccine by the end of the week will require a visit from one of the town Compliance Doctors, and carry the full accountable authority they possess.
TOWN EVENTS
INSLEE’S Rangers will be romping and riding through town on the 28th. This rootin-tootin band of state Covid protectors are on a 12 city tour to bring entertainment to our youth. Demonstrations in quick draw, restraints, crowd control and more await. Attendance by town boys ages 12-16 is mandatory from 8:00A.M. to Noon. Do not eat or drink anything from midnight until instructed to by the Rangers. Parents and others are welcome in the arena after noon. Don’t be late boys or the Rangers might come-a-lookin for you!
The city Craft and Food Fair is still on for the 30th. FUN FUN FUN!!!! All craft items must be approved by the Director of Hate Identification prior to display. All are reminded that any food grown in the city limits is property of the city. Obtain your permit and see the fee schedule in Inslee Park. Eating unauthorized food is a crime of the high order. Anyone witnessing such things as sample plates or suspected food trading should report it immediately to the Fair Warden.
ATHLETICS
The city is pleased to announce that our girls shot put team has taken 2nd place in the state regional Youth Performance Trials. Thank you to the city Minister of Sports Enhancement and Department of Children. Many place the increased success of this year’s team over the failed shame filled lazy girls of last year, to the staff and policies of the new Inslee City Children’s Boarding Home and Inclusion Center. Motivation, Motivation, Motivation is the new motto. Considering the utter failure of those town shaming little worthless girls that represented the citizens of this town last year, we are truly grateful to their efforts. I’m sure the staff isn’t happy with 2nd place though. We can expect better next year I am sure!
FINALLY
Our City Welfare league reports another of the graciously provided state supply trucks has been attacked outside of town on the Inslee Highway. All of it’s contents have been stolen, guards killed, and the truck destroyed. Grain rations will be cut ahead of schedule until new requisitions can be made with the State Caloric Control Office.
The suspected group Maroon Dawn, or “Bulldogs” they call themselves, are being hunted in the woods north of Lake Inslee. We at the city want to remind the residents here that either providing support or taking food rations from this terrorist group will carry the maximum penalty and all will be removed to the Inslee Stadium secure facility, formally the old high school.
Have a Wonderful day!
Montesano Today 