Satan goes to School

Its been a while since we checked in on the public schools. What with Russia about to invade Ukraine, the CDC falling apart, lots going on. We don’t want to lose track. Lets see what’s going on in the public schools this week.

At the top of the list is the exciting announcement, and something we have all been eagerly waiting for. Yes, everyone’s favorite religious figure…..Beelzebub!

Satan himself. The Angel of Darkness, he who devours the flesh of the wicked himself. This long time symbol of true liberalism inclusion can’t be kept down in a hole….not for long anyway! Well, thanks to equity and inclusion of our public schools.

After all, a well rounded and diverse education is at the core of our nation’s public schools.

Put yourself in the place of a student or parent of an elementary aged public school child. Its been a hard day at school, you are beat. You have spent all day learning how worthless and oppressive you are. You need a good after school activity. Something fun! Parents are working and need a safe place for their child to cool their heels for a couple of hours.

Why not gather with your friends and study Satan?

Parents will rest easier knowing their elementary aged kids are involved in school approved activities.

Now hold on a minute you religious bigots wanting to keep Satan out of your public schools and away from your children. Just hold on. Lets see what they will be doing before we get all up on our high horse:


As you can see there are not going to be any sacrifices, or goat worshiping. Just wholesome learning and fun with the Prince of Darkness and his friends. All that other stuff will come later in middle school.

Now I know what you are thinking. “What about those judgy religious people”. Don’t worry a bit about them. If they say anything they will be dealt with for their bigotry. We have ways of dealing with them. The Archfiend Lucifer will be treated exactly the same as any other worshiped symbol. Any idolatry and students identifying with a malignant spirit will be respected.

Seasonal programs, on field drill teams for sporting events, songs, dance, field trips…..the possibilities to spread the message and word of Satan via personal growth abound for your child.

Ready for an adventure you can only take at your public school? Well hop on the Satan bus kids and lets get learning and rolling! (remember to get your permission slip signed so you can attend off campus events)

Your public schools – its not about education anymore – its about your child