Grays Harbor Jail to Dissolve

Grays Harbor County Jail to Dissolve

Montesano:  A recent Public Health Notice issued by the agency formally known as the Grays Harbor Sheriffs Department, indicates a swift move toward re organization  of the agency at the direction of the Governor’s office.

Effective immediately the term Deputy will be replaced with the job title Social Service Worker.  All currently used vehicles that display the oppressive markings of totalitarian oppression will be replaced with new electric small truck ambulances.  Harsh blinking lights and loud sirens will be changed to soft LED grill lighting and circus music on a tape loop so as not to trigger those who frighten easily.  “We intend to patrol neighborhoods with the added benefit of being able to sell Ice Cream treats to offset the cost of providing the public service.”

The transition from what was known as a Police Agency, to something more community service oriented will certainly have a learning curve.  

New Social Service workers are currently receiving firearm training as well as classes in physical restraint.  Quoting one instructor: “Its one thing to try and talk someone into rehab, This will make the job of social work easier as we now have the firepower to do more than just ask.”

Additional training for the heavily armed Gang Forced Intervention Squad is on going and will be using specially trained Orderlies.

Former workers that were once part of the failed Police system have been heavily recruited into the new agency.  Many former Jail workers have now transitioned into the new role of Orderly at the recently re named center.

The new facility received its dedication this week and proudly unfurled a bio degradable banner signifying a top to bottom re think of public safety.

The new Grays Harbor Jay Inslee Nervous Hospital and Diversity Center maintains a 24/7 ability to intake those the new Social Workers deem in need of immediate help.  All former cells have been updated to reflect the new focus on rehabilitation.

New orderly guidelines  are being well received by the former guards.  “We really like the new treatments we can use to keep the guests on program.  Frankly, I wish we had these tools in the old system.  Being able to force guests to take drugs and now with the shock treatment lounge, we don’t even need the cells, I mean suites,  to be locked.  Sure we still have a time out room in the basement, but we hardly have to use it.  We keep freezers mostly down there now”

A recent open house at the new Nervous Hospital drew many local law enforcement department officials, including our own Montesano Police Department representatives.

“We are really excited about the possibilities of this new community based concept.”  One visiting officer related.  “The added benefit of being able to sell the ice cream would really help out the city budget.”  “Those white suits and hats are cool!”

While those in community government are pleased with the support on the new transition, those being served by the re named agency are having reservations.

Little Mikey, a local spokesman for those who have been recently released from the new Nervous Hospital related:  “Look….I know I used to bang on the cops, but I miss them.  Now these guy in the white coats just grab you telling you its for your own good.  Wham, try and fight a 52-50 hold….just try.  And the food in that place, I swear they put something in it.   Those treatment rooms are whacked man.  You don’t come out the same.   I’m getting out of this town…..I don’t want to go back to that place……and don’t take that ice cream man, just don’t.”

Success is measured one patient at a time now.  A mission focus on the individual rather than out dated concepts of public safety.  There will certainly be ups and downs as both former officers and those needing re education interact with each other.

As we, the citizens drive by the new Nervous Hospital, or rush out the door to stop the new social service trucks waving a dollar bill in the air, we can take comfort that a new better tomorrow is at hand.

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