November 1st 2022 Tuscalossa AL: Having completed the historic sale of internet media giant Twitter, Elon Musk, often referred to as the Bruce Wayne of the internet, celebrated in style during a world wide live feed from the new company headquarters.
Speaking on a rotating disk platform in front of the several dozen employees that made the move to Tuscaloosa from San Francisco, Mr. Musk both welcomed and challenged them from the common room in the recently constructed state of the art double wide company office trailer.
“While you are now busy absorbing the rich culture of rural Alabama, I am sure you will shortly be eager to jump into the new Twitter I have recently laid out for you. But now lets all welcome our new CEO and visionary to make all our dreams come true…...Tyrus!”
After the introductions to the new management team, and a steel rod bending demonstration by the CEO, employees were given a tour of the new state-of-the-art customer service center and alternator winding assembly line. Speaking on the efficiency of using down time twitter duties to wind alternators, Musk again stressed the importance of New Twitter. “Not only will you be working to ensure free speech is once again a bedrock of American life, you will have a hand, literally, in building green electric cars!”
After refreshments, provided by local fine dining eatery Big Bubba’s Pork Palace BBQ, the Musk hologram dissipated as he returned to his work on the new company space station – leaving the strident CEO to introduce a collection of recently activated algorithm robot code enforcers against the backdrop of “Don’t Stop Believing”.
“The problem here”, Tyrus shouted as he flexed, “is that there is too much funny stuff going on. That ends today. It takes a bot to sniff out a bot.“
At this point the Musk faced bi-ped autotrons deftly took their seats and New Twitter came on-line.
Employees were issued overalls and shown to their work stations. “Break in two hours, we fell behind with the big guy coming in so you will have to stay late….we need those alternators to hit quota”, the CEO shouted as he exited into the new executive Airstream trailer office.
As of this writing, Twitter engagement is up over 50% over previous figures.
Montesano Today 